What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition that affects how a person relates to themselves and others. Sadly, it is often misunderstood, leading to stigma and various harmful misconceptions.
At its core, BPD is characterised by intense emotional experiences, difficulties with relationships, impulsivity, and a fragile sense of self. These challenges aren’t simply about being “too emotional” or “difficult”—they are the result of deep-seated patterns of thinking and feeling that can be incredibly distressing and hard to manage.
However, with the right treatment and support, people with BPD can develop healthier coping mechanisms and build fulfilling lives.
Core Symptoms of BPD
BPD symptoms can vary from person to person, but the condition is generally defined by four key areas of difficulty:
1. Emotional Instability
People with BPD often experience intense emotions that can shift rapidly. Often leading them to being mislabelled as having ‘bipolar’. They may feel fine one moment and then suddenly be overwhelmed with sadness, anger, or anxiety. These emotional swings can last for minutes to hours and may seem unpredictable. In addition, people with BPD often experience a baseline mood that is irritable, anxious, or depressed, making it easier for other challenging emotions to manifest.
Example: You wake up feeling excited about an upcoming event, but after a minor disagreement with a friend, you suddenly feel like they don’t care about you at all. The emotional pain is very intense and overwhelming, even though logically, you know the situation isn’t that extreme.
2. Unstable Relationships
Relationships can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. People with BPD may idealise someone one day, feeling completely attached, and then suddenly feel completely betrayed or abandoned, even over small misunderstandings. Sadly, this can cause a lot of strain on relationships, leading others to distance themselves. This in turn is perceived as rejection/ abandonment, causing more distress.
Example: Your partner forgets to text you back, even though you know they’re busy. You feel an intense fear that they don’t love you anymore, that it’s over, maybe they are cheating. This makes you want to accuse them, message them repeatedly for reassurance, say something nasty, ignore them when they do respond, shut off emotionally, or do any number of ultimately unhelpful actions.
3. Unclear or Shifting Sense of Self
A person with BPD may struggle with knowing who they are, what they want, or what they believe in. This can lead to frequent career changes, shifts in personal goals, a revolving door of hobbies, or feeling like they "become" different people in different situations.
Example: You feel confident and outgoing at work, but when you’re alone, you question whether that’s the “real” you. You may also change your mind frequently about what you like, who you like, and what’s important to you.
4. Impulsivity & Self-Destructive Behaviours
Emotions drive behaviours. So, it stands to reason that powerful, intense emotions can drive impulsive behaviours. Impulsivity can show up in different ways, such as reckless spending, unsafe sex, binge eating, or substance use. Sadly, many people with BPD engage in self-harm as a way to cope with painful and overwhelming emotions as it seems the only way to ‘calm the storm’.
Example: After a disagreement at work, you suddenly decide to quit your job, max out your credit card, or engage in self-destructive behaviours—even though part of you knows you’ll regret it later.
Other common symptoms include:
Fear of abandonment – going to great lengths to avoid real or imagined rejection
Chronic feelings of emptiness – a persistent sense of loneliness, even when surrounded by others
Intense anger – struggling with frequent outbursts or difficulty controlling rage
Dissociation – feeling disconnected from yourself or reality, especially when stressed
How BPD Can Look in Everyday Life
Living with BPD can feel exhausting, not just for the person experiencing it but also for those around them. Many people with BPD deeply crave stable, close, intimate relationships, but their symptoms make it difficult to maintain them.
At work: You may struggle with feedback. One negative comment can send you into a spiral of self-doubt.
In friendships: You may crave closeness but after one perceived slight, you push the person away out of fear they’ll leave you first.
In daily life: A small mistake—like spilling coffee—can trigger a wave of inordinate, self-directed anger and, bizzarly, profound worthlessness.
These reactions aren’t about being “too sensitive”—they are the result of deeply ingrained emotional patterns that often have their roots in a challening and troubled childhood.
What Causes BPD?
BPD is believed to develop from a combination of biological and environmental factors. A key contributor is an invalidating social environment—a childhood experience where emotions were frequently dismissed, punished, or ignored.
Example of an invalidating environment:
A child cries, and their parent says, “Stop being dramatic,” or “I’ll give you something to cry about.”
A teenager expresses sadness but is met with “other people have it worse.”
A person is constantly told their feelings aren’t “real” or that they’re overreacting.
Over time, these experiences teach a person that their emotions are not valid or trustworthy or ‘bad’. This makes them unconsciously intensify their emotions (in an attempt to get their needs met) or repress their emotions—which also dysregulates emotions. They may also grow up struggling to manage emotions because they were never given the tools to understand or regulate them properly. Their emotions were simply considered invalid, wrong, or bad. Thus, emotional dysregulation then becomes one of the hallmarks of BPD.
How is BPD Treated?
While BPD can be challenging, it is treatable, and many people go on to lead stable, fulfilling lives with the right support. The most effective therapies focus on emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and reshaping deep-seated thought patterns and behaviours.
1. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)
DBT was specifically designed for BPD and helps people learn numerous skills in:
Mindfulness – staying present instead of getting lost in overwhelming emotions
Emotional regulation – changing emotions in the desired direction
Distress tolerance – managing a stressful situation without making it worse
Interpersonal effectiveness – improving communication and relationships
DBT skills can be learnt in both a group and individual therapy context.
2. Schema Therapy
Schema Therapy helps individuals identify and heal deep-rooted emotional wounds from childhood.
It focuses on:
Recognising unhealthy patterns thought patterns called “schemas”
Challening self-destructive beliefs
Managing heightened emotional states called “schema modes'“
Example: If you grew up believing “I am unlovable,” Schema Therapy helps you break down that belief and develop healthier ways to view yourself and your relationships.
Final Thoughts
Borderline Personality Disorder is a condition that can feel overwhelming, but it does not define you. The intense emotions, unstable relationships, and impulsive actions that come with BPD are not personal failings—they are a product of your upbringing and symptoms of a condition that can be managed with the right treatment and support.
If you or someone you love is struggling with BPD, know that help is available. Therapy, self-awareness, and compassionate support can make a profound difference.
Next Steps:
If you relate to these symptoms, consider seeking an assessment with a clinical psychologist.
Check out our free DBT skills worksheets here.
You are not alone.
