Secrets of Self Control

‘The only thing I can’t resist is temptation’ (Oscar Wilde)

Self-control *sighs*

As humans, we love control, and yet we often suck at controlling the one thing we can control – ourselves.

Procrastination. Pornography. Compulsive spending. Alcohol. Gambling. Vaping. YouTube. Facebook. Twitter. Chocolate. Coffee. Cocaine. We all have our addictions, bad habits, guilty pleasures, and vices, and it begs the question: are there any secrets to growing in self-control? Perhaps. Let me offer a few.

Willpower is Unreliable

Imagine it’s December 31st. You make a list of goals. You’re full of hopeful optimism. ‘This year’s the year’, you tell yourself. ‘I’m actually going to do it’.

A few days pass…

You’ve had a big day. You’re tired and hungry. ‘I should exercise,’ you tell yourself. But before you know it, you’re eating chips in front of the telly – not exercising. How did this happen?

This phenomenon is true for a myriad of vices you promised yourself you wouldn’t do. But as the old proverb goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Even the firmest of resolves will fall flat. It’s not enough to say, ‘I’m not going to do so and so’. At some point, your willpower will dwindle down to dust and abandon you.

Willpower is unreliable. In fact, it’s reliably unreliable - so don’t rely upon it!

Plan for your Weakest Moment

So willpower waxes and wanes. That probably means you can hold out when it’s high but buckle when it’s low. That means you’re only as strong as your weakest moment, so you’d better plan for it.

If you’re ‘weak moment’ typically occurs between 6-7pm (for example), plan to keep productively busy for that one hour, and the rest of the day will often take care of itself. Perhaps you’re weakest when hungry, tired, stressed, or around certain friends. Solution? Avoid excessive hunger. Get some sleep. Find ways to de-stress. Avoid certain friends at certain times.

The gist is to identify ‘high-risk situations’ (the classic acronym HALTS: hungry, angry, lonely, tired, stressed is a good place to start) and implement practical, sensible, and often straightforward strategies. Think ahead. Problem solve.

The trick with self-control isn’t to resist all temptation, but rather to intervene early and effectively so you don’t have to.

Why not make things as easy as possible? Self-control is hard enough.